Broken Hearts

"And love is always complicated. But still humans must try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

-Eat Pray Love <3

Opportunity

"When we were in our youth, we had dreams that we could fly, we had friends that weren't visible, and love that never died. And as we grow old, and felt the pain that we always knew the truth, that love would heal, if we stayed true to the dreams of our youth" - Neon Trees

I never thought that I would come face to face with a crazy childhood dream again...until now. It's like a fairytale, but it's actually my reality. This evening I was reminded of one of my biggest dreams as a child, and I realized that I am indeed very close to actually making this dream come true. I actually almost completely gave up on this dream, and certainly forgot about it for quite some time. I had assumed, like the the majority of other people, that it was just a silly dream made by a naive little girl, and although nice to think about, could never actually happen. Well, believe it or not, it is actually happening to me, and I am embracing it. This is it. This is really it. There is no way in the world that I can ignore this. Everything around me-my friends, strangers, little coincidences- everything is telling me to go for it. I have waited for this dream for the majority of my life, and it is the perfect time to jump in with open arms, mind and heart. I am ready for this new chapter in my life. In fact, I have never been more ready. This is it.

KARMA

"The karmic philosophy appeals to me on a metaphorical level because even in one lifetime it's obvious how often we must repeat our same mistakes, banging our heads against the same old addictions and complusions, generating the same old miserable and often catastrophic consequences, until we can finally stop and fix it. This is the supreme lesson of karma (and also of Western psychology, by the way) - take care of the problems now, or else you'll just have to suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering - that's hell. Moving out of that endless repetition to a new level of understanding - there's where you'll find heaven."

The universe is a circle.

Eat, Pray, Love

What is the meaning of it all?

I've been doing some thinking about what some people say about me and my choices.

Within a little over a month, I have really recognized so much about myself and the people around me. Some of these people have really helped me through so much, while others have brought me down a little. I am so thankful for everyone though, because I am finally able to LOVE who I have become. Sometimes it is difficult because I don't exactly conform to society here, and I feel like an outcast. Actually, I have always felt that way. I am starting to realize that so many people just assume that the right choices in life are the ones that others think are right for us, the ones that society says is right. I get the idea behind it, you really can't get too far without a certain number of things (money, an education, etc.) but I just wonder why more people don't ever stop to consider if they are actually happy or not. Many people I know are "satisfied" with themselves and their lives, but I am not too sure if they are happy. I am pleased to say that I am genuinely happy. Of course I have my "down" days occasionally, but I am human. I am able to attach and detach myself in order to maintain a constant state of bliss. When I am sad or mad, I can acknowledge those emotions, care for them, and then move on. I do not let it effect my overall state of mind. I also choose to never be satisfied. I am happy, but never satisfied. I choose to be that way. I look at it as I want the most out of my life, and I will always try to challenge myself and others around me. In a biological perspective, humans have the ability to think logically, rationally, and morally. We have the ability to understand that death is our ultimate destiny, and that we have the power to manipulate our own lives. With this in mind, why the hell do so many of us just put ourselves on auto-pilot and just go through the motions? Why not give meaning to life? As my Mythology teacher said over and over again, "We are meaning-making animals". I have been on a search for a while now for this "meaning". I have studied so many different things, declaring and undeclaring majors, always changing my mind. I was looking for something to give me that meaning. I tried interior design, architecture, art, kinesiology, early childhood development, psychology, and more. All of these things are interesting to me. I still have a long list of things that I want to study. I still want to get into photography, I want to study Spanish more, I want to study wildlife, and I want to continue to grow on a spiritual level. I would love to learn about all of the different cultures out there, and indulge myself in new challenges. The route to a bachelor's degree doesn't exactly allow for all of these things. Sure there are "general ed" classes, but that is not what I want. I want to actually learn. I go to my classes every week and observe the people around me, and I wonder how many of them are actually there to learn. The majority of people out there are okay with just getting by, just enough to get a good grade. Well, I want more. I am not satisfied with just a grade. I want to learn. I am finding that I am actually learning more out of life experiences than anything, and to me, that is way more valuable than some piece of paper saying that I have completed 120 college units. I am young and have so much passion for life, and I want to take advantage of that. I have the rest of my life to figure out "a career". I know right now that I just want to live pure life. I don't want to just go through the motions. I want to love the people around me, love myself, and love what the earth has given us. I will cherish each day and each moment. That is what gives me meaning - compassion and awareness.